Abram has been telling me for years that the reason I never feel like I have time to do anything "fun" is because I have unrealistic expectations about what needs to get done each day. He has told me that I just need to let some things go, but I never could because I did not want to lower our standard of living. And so I have continued for years to work as hard as I can, opting out of any "unecessary distractions" (like socializing), only to be frustrated at the end of each week because I still have not accomplished all that I wanted to. Then as I was reading an old book, I came across the following poem and now I finally know what is wrong with me. The author refers to this as "flitting". Does anyone else have this problem or have I developed a little ADD since entering motherhood?
"One morning I woke and began resolutely,
To work till my tasks were done absolutely.
I decided I would not waste even a minute--
In the race against time, I determined to win it.
I started all right, first clearing the dishes,
Then I noticed it time to clean the bowl for the fishes.
As I reached for the cleanser I thought that I'd better
Grab soap flakes as well for washing a sweater.
As I went for the sweater, I saw that the bed
Needed straightening, so I stopped to do that instead.
But just then the phone rang, and while answering it,
I saw plants on the sill that needed watering a bit.
So went my day, and I worked till bone tired;
Then happy and proud, I sat back and admired.
But taking stock of my home, my joy soon diminished;
Everything was started, but nothing was finished."
--Donette V. Ockey
Oh man. I lost my comment.
ReplyDeleteHere it goes again:
I wanted you to know that immediately following puking and then showering, I came straight to see this. That is filial love. I'm going straight to bed now.
That photo of Cal is so heartbreaking. Yes, Ethan looks very much the same as in the last photos.. His hair is so cute, as is he. wow, that's bad grammar.
Also, I'm a flitter-er too. You'd be disgustingly amazed at my house these days.
Okay, I think your blog is eating comments, because I swear I already posted my comment but it's not here.
ReplyDeleteWhat I said was, I used to be a lot more like that, but about 2 years ago I really was able to let a lot of it go. My dishes are piled in the sink waiting for the dishwasher to be unloaded; 3 loads of laundry have been stacked at the foot of my bed for 2 days; I can hardly see my living room floor and my kitchen floor is so gross that I am purposely walking around sticky spots instead of, you know, mopping it.
2 years ago when I spent most of my time in the house and had less scheduled activities, I couldn't handle that stuff. Now? Eh. I want to care more, but I just really don't get as worked up about it now. Maybe because I know I am getting close to having children old enough to be my slaves, or because I am gone so much now that I can ignore it?
Anyway, I know you can't imagine not caring about stuff like that, but you really might get to that point in the future.